Remember that time Gandalf convinced the whole party to flee so that he could take out the Balrog and not have to share any of the XP? Shows up the next session with fancy new robes and everything. What a jerk.
Loot whore.
you gotta hand it to a guy who can solo a boss
Well let me tell you, it was quite the pragmatic purchase. It has endless uses in my morning routine.
Such as making the bed:
Making toast:
Getting things off high shelves:
Making coffee:
Reaching the remote when it’s too far away:
And assisting me when I ran out of toilet paper:
I don’t know how I survived life without it.
- (We’re taking a calculus final. The TA is a well-known Lord of the Rings fan, and we’ve had running LotR jokes all semester.)
- TA: “Okay, guys, everyone look at me. We’ve been over the rules, but just in case: no notes, pencil your answers in on the scantron sheet, and graphing calculators only – no more ‘can I just used my cell phone’ nonsense.”
- Student: “[TA's name], my calculator batteries just died! What should I do?”
- TA: “Here, I’ve got a big box of spares.”
- Student: *struggling* “I can’t get this packaging open…”
- Student 2: “Here, I’ve got a pocket knife.”
- TA: “And I’ve got a pair of scissors if you need them.”
- Student 3: *from the back of the room* “OR MY AXE!”
- (Everyone starts laughing.)
- TA: “The only axes allowed on the exam are in the graph section.”
- (Everyone groans.)
- TA: “Oh, come on, you’re in a math class. Deal with the math jokes.”
- (The professor enters with a stack of exams. With him are two exam proctors.)
- Professor: “Tolkien jokes already, [TA's name]?”
- TA: “Hey, I didn’t start it.”
- (The professor starts handing stacks of exams to the TA and proctors.)
- Professor: “But I’m about to finish it. [TA], take these exams down the left flank. [Proctor 1], follow the desks down the center. [Proctor 2], take your exams right, along the wall.”
- (At this point, many of the students have realized where this is going: Theoden’s lines from ‘Return of the King.’)
- Professor: “Forth, and fear no problems! Solve! Solve, students of calculus! Points shall be taken, scores shall be splintered! A pencil day! A red-ink day! Until three thirty!”
- (The professor pulls out a pencil, holding it out like a sword, and runs down the first row holding it out. Students hold up their pencils, hitting his as he passes.)
- Professor: “Solve now! Solve now! Solve to good grades and the class ending! MAAATH!”
- Entire Class: “MAAATH!”
- Professor: “MAAAAATH!”
- Entire Class: “MAAAAAATH!”
- Professor: “Forth, exam-takers!”
- (The entire class rises to their feet and gives him a standing ovation. A week later, we get an email from the professor.)
- Professor: *at the end of the email* “PS: I appreciate all of you who wrote in their evaluations that I was the one professor to rule them all, but the best one yet was the student who called me ‘Mathrandir.’”
Don’t look down.
For there were other Elves of various kind in the world; and many were Eastern Elves that had hearkened to no summons to the Sea, but being content with Middle-earth remained there, and remained long after, fading in fastnesses of the woods and hills, as Men usurped the lands. Of that kind were the Elves of Greenwood the Great; yet among them also were many lords of Sindarin race. Such were Thranduil and Legolas his son.
